I have different levels of comfort when dealing with
strangers. If I am in a professional
setting and in a room full of my peers, I have no issue talking to complete
strangers. On the other hand, I am in no
way comfortable being in a room full of complete strangers in public unless,
and as much as I hate to say it, there is some alcohol involved. My brother and I are alike in many ways but
our personalities are completely different.
I am much more reserved and would rather sit and talk with friends
rather than go out and meet people but my brother would get up from his friends
after a couple of conversations to go out and work the room with the ease of an
experienced politician.
In my case, I have always been the shy one and it took a ton
of work to get me out of being a complete recluse. I can’t really pin why I am this way on any
single event growing up so I can only say I think it is just who I am. I was by no means the unpopular kid in high
school, but I also wasn’t Mr. Personality either. I had a pretty big group of friends but I
didn’t really reach out and get really close but with a few of them. In my first attempt in college, I stuck with
the swim team or made friends with other friends of the swim team (i.e. I didn’t
go out and meet people). When I got back
down to Florida I didn’t go out of my way to meet new people either. It wasn’t until I started bartending that I
began to learn how to strike up conversations with complete strangers. Being that I learned the skill in a bar, I
would venture to say that my ease at talking with people in a bar setting has
just as much to do with it being a familiar place as it is the alcohol helping
me. I only got better with talking to
people in the Navy as it forces you to be in contact with new people all of the
time. But again, I really can’t go out
into a non-Navy setting and just walk up and start talking with someone.
From the readings, I would say that body language is not a
problem with me as it is something that is usually on my mind in that kind of
situation. For me, the problem is the
ice breaker, but again, the book didn’t really cover anything that I haven’t
already heard before. Also, the art of
conversation is something I am good at – once I get the ice broken. I did like the break down between the ritual
and informational questions and the given example was great at illustrating the
difference between them. In the end, I
think deep down inside I am rather insecure (something that most who know me
would argue) and it is the worry of rejection that prevents me from starting up
the conversations. Until I can get over
that, I think that social events with strangers will continue to be a little intimidating.
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