Collaboration when dealing with
conflict is an absolute requirement in order to ensure that everyone walks away
from the discussion happy. Getting other
people involved not only will limit the ill will from any disagreement; it will
also lead to a more thorough, well thought out plan. I can think of an outstanding example outlining
this situation that everyone has had to deal with at one point or another –
getting together with a group of friends and then trying to decide where to go
to dinner. During the initial phase of
the discussion, people often will say that they don’t care where the group ends
up. How many times have you said, “Copy
that, we are going to Sun Xao Chinese restaurant then since I have been craving
some good dumplings” only to then hear grumbling about your choice. In order to prevent any hurt feelings and to get
everyone’s opinion, you must dig to get them out. So, I often make sure I know exactly what
people are feeling prior to making any decision and I get there by asking
several questions. First and foremost, I
ask what they don’t want – this allows people to get that negative vibe out
immediately to narrow down the choices and to focus on the positives. Next, I ask how far we want to drive – this at
least narrows down the search even further.
Following this, my next question would be are we worried about a wait –
this will decide whether or not we are going somewhere popular or a hole in the
wall place. Once we have narrowed that
down, I’d ask each individual what type of food they are looking for. Finally, I’d start tossing out restaurants
that fit the criteria. While I don’t
always ask all of these questions, a few come out every time the scenario comes
up. In the end, I usually don’t have to
make a decision – everyone comes to a consensus on where we want to go which
was always the end state of the discussion (determining where to eat).
Keeping that scenario in mind, I really need
to think about getting others involved when the stakes are much higher and on a
professional level. I am guilty of not
wanting to give into my ideas – I spent some of my precious time creating them
so I am often wary of letting go of them unless there is a superior idea. I would be much better off if I would keep my
idea in mind but apply the questioning attitude I use in the more casual
setting to reach common ground with the other person so that a unified proposal
can be created.
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